The hCG Diet Voyage

P2 VLCD #5 Stop Your Cheating!

2008-04-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

Start Weight: 167.3
Yesterdays Weight: 163.0
Today's Weight: 163.1
Total Loss: YOUR MOTHER I DIDN'T LOSE I GAINED. :(

I'm having a love affair! And it ain't pretty!

2008-04-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

I'm So Excited & I Just Can't Hide It!

2008-04-28T08:35:00.000-07:00

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it, I like it. I'm so pumped about Jenn going on the talk show thingy. Both of them are a true inspiration. I really wish Biz & Jen coulda gone but at least one of them is going. I am hoping that they don't get all negative, the people that are anti-hCG. I'm sure they will have people representing both sides. But, yay for the doctors that are Pro-hCG! GO TEAM HCG!

If anyone plans on watching, can you PLEASE figure out a way to record it? I don't think I get that chanel here and I really wanna see it!! So, hook a sista up,k?

I'm Phat, you know? Double Chins and what not.

2008-04-28T08:31:00.001-07:00

Don't forget the camera adds ten pounds and a double chin.

I'm Not Getting Excited Just Yet

2008-04-27T10:33:00.001-07:00

Start Weight: 167.3
Yesterdays Weight: 165.3
Todays Weight: 163.0
Loss: -2.3
Total Loss: -4.3

I'm not getting excited just yet. You know? I think that I weighed when it was TOM TIME so of course, I was probably bloated and heavier and holding water. I know I've probably just lost water weight and stuff. I'm afraid the scale might start to go back up, I dunno. Yes, I cheated again last night but I am getting better.

I'm ususally go to bed around 9 pm but since this diet, I don't go to bed until around eleven. I just can't seem to get tired because I am hungry. I have increased my dosage of hCG. I know this is why I felt like poop the other day and thought I was going to pass out. I was starving. Maybe the HCG wasn't as potent and it should have been.

Now, if tomorrow and the day after I lose weight, then I will start to get excited. I guess I'm in the 'too good to be true' stage. I read everyone else's stories but it seems like a dream to me. Of course, I don't feel the weight gone really. I'll just keep drinking my water and try to stick to the diet. Now, that my TOM weight is gone .....we'll see how things go.

Can someone please help a sista out?

2008-04-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, I went and looked at my bottle of hCG. It said 2,500 units. Is this enough for three weeks? I am wondering if they didn't give me enough. Can someone please explain to me how much 125 ui/iu (whateverlol) is? How do I know how many/much I am taking?

Is it because my syringe is different? I think it's an insulin sygringe. I am wondering how much everyone else is filling theirs up.

I am curious to know all of this because I might just go with drugdelivery.ca but I have no idea how much to buy and do I buy pregnyl or orogon?

I don't even know how to do the math with my 2,500 units and how much I should be injecting a day. If anyone has any idea because I'm clueless. If you do by 5000 units does it last long enough?

Well, I lost another .6, Umph

2008-04-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

Start Weight: 167.3
Todays Weight: 165.2
Loss: -.6 lbs
Total Loss: -2.1

Well, last night was straight hell. I ate what I was suppose to besides a chicken strip and two chips. I think my body is in shock. Last night I had to take a xanex because I was having bad anxiety from the lack of food. I couldn't breathe and my heart was pounding. Did I mention I get bad anxiety when I don't eat? It's basically my body telling me to eat. Not fun.

I've come to the conclusion that my body can not just take in 500 calories to begin with. I am not wondering if I didn't give myself enough hCG. It was pure torture last night. I didn't go to bed until 1 or something. I usually go to bed around 9. I couldn't sleep because my body hurt so bad and I was so hungry. So, I've decided to up my calorie intake. I plan on decreasing my calories slowly to 500. I know it might take a bit longer to lose the weight but last night was aggravating and scary. I was slurring my speech and kept running into walls. I know this is just my hypoclocemia and the withdrawls from sugar. I just felt out of it all day. Like I was in a brain fog.

Then I tried to talk to my step mom about it and she started getting all worried about me. "Maybe you shouldn't do this", "You don't know what the hcg is doing". I'm like, yeah I do. Go research it. She is thinking it's the hCG that caused me to feel like this but it was the lack of food. I took 1/2 of 1ml of hCG because I was going to dose everyday.

Can someone explain it to me? My syringe as 1/2 1 ml 1 1/2 ml and so on. They said to dose myself with 1 ml Mon Wed & Frid. Yesterday, I just decided to do 1/2 but I don't think that was enough. I get confused with all this 125 ui 5000ui I have no idea what any of this means. All I know is that I have a bottle of hCG and a syringes that have 1/2/3 ml written on it. How much of hcg am I getting if I am doing 1 ml?

I think I might go with Native Healing Ways after this. They have the syringes already frozen. I am afraid the hCG I have will not last for three weeks. I would think it loses it's zing after that, right? I thought it would only last for a week? Anyone else know about this? I would order from drugdelivery.ca but I don't know how much to order and all the numbers confuse me. Can someone explain this to me?

Friday's Thoughts

2008-04-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well, what a crabby day. There are two things that make me crabby. Aunt Flo & No Sweets/Starches. Well, just NO food in general. So, yes I splurged last night like whoa but I wasn't going to throw in the towel. I didn't wait to quit. GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!

So, today I'm been really bitchy and tired. Does hCG make your skin better? For some reason, I looked at myself today and thought my skin looked younger. Who knows. I am starving though. I have a headache and I cheated today and ate a chicken strip, I couldn't help it. I had to listen to my body. It said eat or I will kill you. So, I ate. Hopefully, I will still lose tomorrow.

You think that the weight we lose in the beginning is just water weight? I've been drinking hella water. I'm peeing like something special. I'm curious to know when people really started seeing phsycial results. Like, when did you start feeling your pants get smaller? You think it'll happen next week? I hope so.

I feel like I can't really make plans to do anything b/c I'm so deprived of food. How do you bloggers go to work and function on hardly no food? I couldn't imagine having to go to work. Geez, I feel loopy and feel stupid even trying to even carry a conversation. lol I hope this is something my body will get used to. I also hope that all my medicines aren't going to tamper with results or keep me from losing. That would be a sad day in lindsay loo land.

I think I lost a POUND!

2008-04-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

Weight After Loading: 167.3

Todays Weight: 165.8
Total: -1.5

I wonder if this is water weight or not. Who cares. I'm not sure how I lost weight considering I lost it last night. My son was up screaming until midnight. I just wanted to go to sleep early so I could sleep it off but that didn't happen. I was stressed and what do we do when we are stressed? EAT!

This is going to be a process. It might take a few days until I can totally just do 500. I am slowly weening my body off of sugar and starch and junk and FOOD. I hope I continue to lose. I did drink loads of water yesterday. I was pee'n like a race horse.

I'm a BIG HUGE FAT weenie!

2008-04-24T14:30:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry I couldn't help myself. My addiction, the sugar addiction. It has me by the kahuna's. I ate icecream. I didn't eat as much as I normally would. But, I feel better. I guess this is going to be a long slow process. I can't just jump to not eating nothing. It's not that I'm weak, YES I AM..I'm a weenie okay? Oh well, c'est la vie right? I just hope I can make it the rest of the day without eating my foot or someone else's foot. Please pray for my soul as I try to go the rest of the day without cheating. I've made it this far....only cheated a bit...must be strong!

Hello Ms. Loader

2008-04-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

I'm loaded. By this, I mean that I loaded for three days. Yeah so I started following the diet and crashed. I read that it takes about three days for the hcg to get into your system anyway and start fighting fat. I thought I read that Simeon said to load for three days. Of course, this wasn't my plan I just screwed up. I would love to have everyone else's will power. So strong, yet so fierce. I pray to God for the strength. THE POWER! THE FORCE! LUKE! USE THE FORCE. Tomorrow is a new day. Please lawd, take away the hypglocemia, take away the aches, the nausea, the tired, the cramps, the blood, the hunger, the booty and the jiggles. I do not want to fail. Failure is not an option. I also don't want to end up in the ER like another fellow blogger for low electrolytes/gall baldder/potassium. I think I'll indulge with some vitamins. Gotta listen to my body. My body said eat a pizza and a box of icecream bars, so I did. Hey, I was just doing as I was told. God, I hope tomorrow is better. I don't want to throw in the towel yet.

Bloody Hell...Literally. Ew Gross.

2008-04-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

Well, the past two days haven't been the best. Umph. I feel like shiot. Judging by my previous posts, it would understandable if you gather that I am a total stick in the mud. The thing is- I'm really not. That's just how shotty I've felt.

Biz tried to send me a Q&A link but I couldn't pull it up. I am still looking for some sort of scientific research regarding hCG & TOM. What is the whole theory regarding no hCG while TOM is in town? I can't find any information on it. People just say to skip injections.

Well, I injected Monday afternoon to make sure I got the injection part down. Tuesday morning Tom came. Coincedence? I think not. I have felt like arse ever since. Brain fog, nausea, cramps, heavy flow, tired, achey etc. I can't think straight. I work from home most of the time and can't imagine how most of you go on about your business. I could barely keep my eyes open today.

Today was suppose to be my first VLCD. Well, pfft that went straight out the window. Does anyone have problems with hypoglocemia and have they battled this diet with it? Maybe I'm just not cut out for it. Maybe I'm not strong enough. Maybe the meds I am on are having sort of weird reaction with the hCG. Who knows. I'm kinda sad about it. I was so pumped up about this diet, told all my friends and basically told myself I would be 20 lbs lighter in the next month. I couldn't even last a day on the damn thing. Umph.

Not really sure what to do next. I feel like a let down. I have all this weight and feel like there's no other way to get it off. Maybe I'm just destined to be a chunk. How come all of the blogs I read? It doesn't seem like anyone is having any physical trouble with it? I mean, I know they might have hunger pangs but nothing like what I have mentioned.

I know I should have waited until after Tom. I dunno if the trouble I am having is because of that or if I am just doomed. I have all the will power in the world but it's not about will power it's about my body saying, shit's funny. Maybe I think too much. Maybe if I was out working in the world I wouldn't have time to think about how funny I feel. I didn't think this diet would be a piece of cake but it's turning out to be a piece of shit.

Of course, I don't blame the diet but my body which is 100% sensitive of anything that goes in it. I was afraid to take the b12 b/c of the way my body is. I knew that I would get the jitters from it. Ahh, what to do now. Call it a day? Call it quits? Should I go from 800 calories and ween myself down to 500? 500 is a pretty big leap for me. Maybe I should take baby steps.

I don't want to go back to Jenny Craig. I'm sure they'll laugh at me when I tell them I couldn't do it, that I didn't make it. It's a sad sad day in Lindsay Land. If anyone has any info on TOM and hCG let me know. If anyone has felt this funky, please let me know. If anyone knows the number of Pizza Hut, let me know.

On My Own

2008-04-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

Three years ago, alone and living in Mississippi. Did I mention alone? Well, I wasn't completely alone, I had my dog. I was 26 and had been down every avenue possible. I had come to the fork in the road, confused about what direction to go next. I wondered what I was doing with my life. I had no direction. All of my friends were married, successful and seemed to have everything in order. I felt like a black sheep, a loner. I worked in medical records, it was a job, you know? It paid the bills but I loathed it. Day by day, working, living and breathing. What's my purpose?

Then, he came into my life. He lived in Baton Rouge and for a moment I was smitten. Of course, a convicted felon could have swept me off of my feet at this point. Yearning for love, confirmation, butterflies and a prince- I fell. I had fallen and couldn't get up, for love. I was never really sure if it was love or the idea of love. I would have taken either one.

The days started to melt into one another. We were inseparable. What is lust, like, love? Who really cares. It was what it was. I was just glad it was something. He came with a huge red flag but my vivid imagination turned it into a white one. I was color blind. Blinded by my own loneliness. I jumped in head first which would eventually lead to a massive headache. For two months, I was wined and dined. Two months, on top of the world- riding on cloud 9. There was no way I was coming down from this stimulating high. I got pregnant and fell flat on my face.

Terrified. He was scared. I was scared. We started to go through the motions. We tried to get to know one another as the mood swings came and went. You know, the hormones. Trying to live up to his expectations, I continued to fail. It was a mess. Don't you work it out for the child? What seemed to be a perfect match slowly turned into a match from hell. The pressures of life, the bills, the hormones, the baby.....day by day, took it's toll.

We both drowned in our own silent misery. Neither speaking to the other, giving the lack of communication more power. And then came the baby. It should have been the most joyous moment ever but it wasn't. The conflictual relationship had dampened the excitement. Fear came with the birth and continued to rape both of us. We left the hospital to continue our damaging journey, because it was damaged and it continued to damage- both of us.

I loved him but I hated him. I never doubted that he was the one for me. Funny, right? Even though I could barely stand looking at him, I loved him. As much as we tortured one another, I never thought it would come to and end. Relationships are hard, right? I never was the girl who believed in a fairy tale. I stuck to brutal reality. This was my reality. My family. Because this is all I ever wanted, a family- my own.

We started counseling because well, that's just what couples do. The sun started to look brighter, the days were more enjoyable and I could breathe. It was helping. Two lost people with baggage fighting to breathe in life, trying to love one another. It was hard. It was life. Someone turned on the light at the end of the tunnel. I could see it. Hope. Future. My family. Then tragedy.

No, he didn't die. However, I did rush him to the hospital. Doc said it was his second bile obstruction. He's 31. Weird. Our damaged journey that came to a complete stop, we were on it again. For an entire month, he was in the hospital. I juggled taking care of him and our son, with the help of his overbearing mother who said it wasn't enough. I did the best I could. No one will ever be good enough for your son. No, he didn't die ...completely. The person that I knew, loved and hated all at once did die, returning from the hospital was a completely different man.

It was over. "Life's too short", he says. He never wanted the married life. He wanted to scope girls, bar hop and travel. You're 31, get over it already. Life's too short. He said it was over and to find somewhere else to live. So devastated. So torn. I stuck by his side day in and out while he cheated death only to be turned away when it was over. Devastation.

Where would I go? What about our son? What about me? What about us? Doesn't matter. What about how we were moving forward and things were....better? Doesn't matter. Life is too short. Life is too short to continue working on our family. It's too short to make sure our son grows up in a happy home with both of his parents. Cop out. No respect. No more love. Feels like genuine hate and resentment.

I was alone again. Did I mention alone? Well, I had my dog and my son. It was different this time. It was a good alone. For the first time in my life, I felt peace. No need. Some reason, I felt empowered. I gathered my belongings and headed out and never looked back, I had no choice. There goes my family. I always wanted a family, you know? Not the fairy tale, not the white picket fence..just a family.

For the first time in my life, I found my way. It took going through hell to find some sort of balance. I finished up my bachelor's. I found real estate. I found that being a mommy is what I was called to do. I jumped in head first...into real estate, into motherhood, into life because life is too short, you know? It still hurts.

The pain is mild, but it's still there. Yes, I had a dream of forever. I had a dream of a family. Sometimes I still dream that he'll come back, but it's over. And I'm on my own.

Double Dose of hCG

2008-04-23T06:13:00.001-07:00

I don't like this idea of double dosing. I think it's too much for me. I am getting way to nauseated to the point where I feel like I'm going to throw up, really. Who came up with the double dosing idea? I'm going to call them today.

Well, Basically But Not So Much

2008-04-23T06:07:00.000-07:00

I am sure I sound like the crabbiest person ever. I must say that I haven't been this crabby in awhile. I am thinking that the hCG is playing with TOM. I have had the worst cramps ever and it has been heavier than ever. Wish I would have known it was coming and that it was going to make it like this. I woke up with the most terrible crick in my neck. I might just go back to bed. I slept really good last night and then I woke up and stretched and ended up popping something in my neck. I can't turn my head to the left or right and it hurts like a mofo. But I will carry on- poopy and all. I am loading up on water.

Man, that shot hasn't hurt yet. I can't even feel it go in. Weird. Maybe my skin is so fat that it's not even going into my body but just my fatty skin. Please work hCG, please go away cramps and crick, and cramps.

Yours Truly

2008-04-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

Today I felt like straight up doo doo. Why? I thought you'd never ask.

1. Ate too many sweets last night
2. I couldn't sleep
3. I woke up every hour.
4. I accidently skipped medicine
5. My muscles killed me when I woke up.
6. I was nauseated all day.
7. TOM came
8. Need I say more?

Today has been spent in a fog. I hope there aren't any more days like this. I don't like the fact that I am not taking hCG everyday. I want to go it everyday. I don't want to double dose or whatever the hell it is or whatever they call it. I want to go by Simeon's protocol not some Dr. Douche that came up with a brigheter idea.

Did I mention I'm fat? I just looked at myself in the mirror. Damn. Six months of loading has caught up with me. I was starting to have second thoughts about doing this diet. I really have no choice though. There is no way I can lose this 30 lbs with anything else. I've tried. I just don't want to be pregnant nauseated, dizzy, lightheaded, hypoglocemia feeling. Am I a weenie? A tad.

I think the fact that I hate so much sugar poison last night has put me in this weak position today. I was so mentally ready for this and now I feel so weak, I'm second guessing myself. Blah. Maybe I'm just being hormonal. Freaking TOM couldn't have come at a better time. THE DAY OF! Puh-lease!

Don't Be Jealous Of My Fat Rolls

2008-04-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Don't be jealous of my fat rolls. I have enough to go around. Have some! Yes, I know that my bathing suit is half in my booty, this is what happens when you have a large buttox. I tried to upload my front 'before' picture but I think it was too big. I'll try to do it later. How embarrassing is this? Rolly Polly Schmolly! I could probably feed a small country. Eeck, I have a headache. Is this normal? I can't stop rambling.

Bring On The Fatness!

2008-04-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

Something is wrong with the damn scale. I weighed three times this morning. This first time it said 163 and I knew that was wrong and the third time it said 166, which sounded about right. What is up with the scale? It's an expensive Weight Watchers scale, piece of crap. I'mma have to take it back. I can't be trying to guess what number is right and wrong. So, yesterday I weighed 165.9= if that's even right. I'm going to trade that scale in and get another one @ Target (Tar-j)

So, I got butt naked this morning and weighed. Like I said, it took three times to hit a number that sounded right. How dare you WW scale? Why must you taunt me? Goes to show that just b/c it cost more doesn't mean that it works the best. Oh Snap! Today it was 166.6! I can totally understand why, considering I ate: a whole bag of powdered donutes, chicken strips, a whole box of WW icecream bars, a box of Tirimasu, two pieces of oreo cake and a Diet Sprite. lol Yes, the Diet Sprite made me feel better.

Can someone please explain to me the abbreviations? Like VLCD, LIW and whatever other ones there are. I am confused.

Start Weight: 165.9 (April 21)
Todays Weight: 166.6 (April 22)

Oh, did I mention that I'm nauseated? Did I mention I've been on the toilet all morning sick to my stomach because of all the poison I put into my body yesterday. Ack! TMI, I know. And then there's Mr. Tom. Cramps. Nausea. Bathroom. Good times, good times!

Good Morning My Beautiful hCG Friendsters!

2008-04-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

I want to lie but last night was the worst worstest worstiest sleep I have ever had, well....that I've had in awhile. Ugh! I know people say they sleep so good on the hCG but I think it's because I hate too much sugar. Blah! My bones hurt. This is all normal though. Eating a lot of sugar for me is like going out and getting hammered. Double blah! I always try to be a positive polly but dammit. I couldn't sleep, my body ached, my head ached, my insides ached and then guess what?

I wake up this morning to find TOM knocking at my door. That fool didn't even wait for me to answer, just came right in. Poopy! Now what? An then yesterday I cried because my neighbor died and because some girl on Intervention was crying. What is really going on? I never cry. It felt good though. What a cheese ball I am.

I could possibly throw-up right now. I am nauseated. Go away TOM. How dare you sneak in on me like that. Damn me for not keeping track of it. Cramps! Ack! Wonk Wonk Wonk- Go away Debbie Downers. Really people I dunno if I can eat like I did yesterday, my stomach is killing me and I have a sugar hang over. I think I'll just eat hamburgers today.

The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of hCG!

2008-04-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, lawd. Thank you, lawd! It FINALLY came in. It came! Guess why my belly is stinging? Because I just shot up a dose of hCG. It stings. The needle didn't even hurt. I didn't even feel it go in. I did pull the syringe back to see if I hit a blood vessel but no blood. I also tried to get all of the air bubbles out. There seem to be itty bitty tiny bubbles but I couldn't get rid of them. Hopefully, I don't die because of it. I thought the air bubbles people talk about were BIG air bubbles. You know, the obvious air bubbles. I had to actually look for these.

I actually stuck myself while talking to a friend on the phone. I figured that would distract me. I know it's later on in the afternoon but I think I have time to stuff my face. I will be ordering Pizza Hut and pizza and cinnamon sticks and spirte and cheese, glorious cheese! Man, I'm not even hungry. I guess I'll have to just stuff my face. I am about to go and do my before pictures and my weight. Scary? Yes! Motivating? Double Yes!

Things I Want To Do When I Get Skinny

2008-04-20T18:47:00.000-07:00

1. Fit into a bikini
2. Flaunt my hot self in front of my x and his 'whatever you call it", am I vain?
3. Get an entire new wardrobe.
4. Work out & get toned.
5. Spa day
6. Wear SPANDEX
7. Walk into Jenny Craig & weigh and tell them it worked.
8. Skip and jump and giggle like a school girl.
9. Mow my yard in a tube top (okay, not really...but maybe)
10. Start dating more

Taps Foot & Stares At Watch

2008-04-20T17:58:00.000-07:00

Geez, is it Monday already? I'm serious, if the mail man does not come tomorrow with my goodies- I might just go postal. I might just point a loaded banana at him and tell him to "Gimme the good and NO funny stuff!".

In other news, I just ate chicken strips, m&m's and some iced animal cookies. I thought I deserved a little treat for...well, just being me. You gotta treat yourself every now and again. As you can probably tell, I treat myself all the time. Mmm.

I am really curious about this three shots per week. They said they double dose the shots. I wonder if this is possible. I thought we were suppose to take an injection every day. I really don't like how certain clinics take Simeon's protocol and put their own spin on it. Who decided this? What makes them think that their way is better? I would like to see the research on that.

Just like the chic said not to load. Pffft. Sorry, mam..I'm loading. How dare thee tell thy shalt not load? Me wonders if she understands the importance of the 'load'.

Anywho, my family- well, they basically are concerned and think I'm crazy with this hCG stuff...I think my friends think the same. I mean, they KNOW that I'm koo koo but I think they assume that now they have their confirmation. I shouldn't have told anyone and when everyone asks how I lost the weight ...I'll just tell them I snorted slimfast. Hey, that would be easier for them to believe than hCG. It's lack of knowledge really. I do get defensive about it and want to stamp it with ignorance, but it really is an uneducated opinion. Don't tell me you hate Pizza Hut if you've never eaten there. Don't tell me you hate to go to the movies when you've never been. Don't tell me my boyfriends bad in bed when you've never slept with him....or have you? Well, you get my drift..plus I don't have a boyfriend.

My fat cells are screaming for hCG and a sugar powdered donut. Just one. Okay, maybe a dozen. It can't come quick enough people. What's the hold up? I'm ready for this love affair to start. I'm ready to see my feet again. I'm read for my back fat to go elsewhere. I'm ready for things to not shake ten minutes after I've stopped moving. Ahhh, tomorrow can't get here quick enough. Must wait, must not go postal, must stay away from powdered donuts, must think happy thoughts....must go eat donut.

I got a new scale and a new bikini and some twinkies!

2008-04-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

I was hoping that my stuff would get here by a small miracle. I had hoped that my forumla spread it's wings and flew to my mailbox. But, no luck. The mail man didn't have any goodies for me today. Sigh. I guess I'll have to wait until Monday. Even then, the mail doesn't run until late afternoon- like at 4. blah So, that means I have to wait until Tuesday. Dear Lawd, Why Must I be Taunted?

In other news, I bought the coolest scale today. You should have seen me in Target...in one hand I had a itty bitty bikini and in the other hand I had the massive scale. I am sure people were looking at me and wondering what the hell I was doing with a bikini....the only thing it really fit was my hand holding it. I just figured I would get a bikini for my 'before' shot and I would watch my jigga joo shrink. There's no going back now. I have the scale, the bikini and the determination.

I am SO ready to do this diet I'm even dreaming about it. Last time I dreamed that my stomach was completely flat. Ahh, in my dreams- exactly...but NOT FOR LONG. It will only be a few days until I get to show my belly whose boss. I AM! Take that, pffft. I feel like a damn rolly polly.

I look at myself in the mirror in amazment. How did I get here? How did it get this bad? How did I gain so much weight? Trudeau's book holds some def. truth. The more I Jenny Craig'd it, the more I craved and the more I caved. I craved sugar nonstop, 24/7. It's like fighting an uphill battle.

I weighed 150 at Christmas and I have jumped all the way up to 167. Shit. Right after I had my son I weighed 176, that's only TEN lbs difference. If I keep going this way, I'll be right back where I started. Jenny Craig has helped me lose some weight but it got old, the same foods over and again. I actually think they put crack into their food. Okay, not really BUT I did Jenny Craig for a year and I went one or two days without eating their food and I got sick, nauseated and ill. Crack, much? I think so. Crack=toxins, chemicals, preservatives.

I did make a grea friend at JC, she's the manager there. When I told her I wouldn't be there anymore and that I was going organic she laughed and said "That's not going to work". She basically told me that going organic would do nothing for me. I argued with her b/c I've had friends that have switched to organic and have felt so much better. I assured her that I was not downing JC, I was downing American food as a whole. It's all crap.

I'm not a cooker, that's what I liked about Jenny Craig. I dropped in, got my food and went home and ate it. Now, I'm going to have to change that and venture out into the "Rachel Ray" world. It's about time I learned how to cook anyway. I mean, I can make the normal stuff but I'm not gourmet chef by any means.

I should have got Matrix to freaking overnight that package. I don't think I can stand waiting any longer. I think I'm about to go pull out my new scale and try it out. I also think I might put on my 'barely fitting' bikini and do some before pictures. I wanted to wait until I lost weight to post them so I wouldn't embarass myself but I think that would be more incentive to get the weight off if I just went ahead and showed my jigga joo.

Okay, so now I'm just rambling. Cya!

Load Days

2008-04-19T06:50:00.001-07:00

Well, my question to any other hCG'rs is ...Do you do load days? I totally understand the concept of loading even though the clinic I am with, they do not actually encourage it. I planned on doing it anyway BUT...BIG HUGE BUT...I've been loading for the past month. lol No lie. I have eaten everything in sight. I wonder if it's still necessary for me to load. Man, I feel pretty loaded. I got the dunlap disease where my belly dun lapped over my belt. Oh, and the dicky doo disease- where my belly hangs lower than my dicky doo...except for I'm a girl..I just love that saying. I really did get up this morning and I was so bloated I couldn't see my feet. Reminds me of those old pregger days, except I'm not pregnant.

hCG, you can't get here quick enough. Me wonders if errr I need to load now b/c of my bad loading habit that has gone on for the past month or so. They call it 'loading', I call it bingeing.

Oh, I canceled my order of Orathin after reading a good bit. Many people have said that it's a scam. It would be one thing if it was just one person but it's way more than that. Thank god I found out before they delivered it and I actually tried it and got stuck with it!

Yippy Skippy!!

2008-04-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

Hot diggity damn! Finally! They called me back today and told me that my blood work was fine and that they are shipping the shots out! I can't wait, I'm so ready to get started. So, I guess I will get them Monday since they are being shipped out today. Crap, I should have gotten them to overnight it. Yes, I am THAT eager. I'm ready to say bu-bye to all of these delicious buttered rolls, these love handles! I can't wait to fit into cute clothes! I can't wait to be able to hula hoop with a cheerio! I'm trying to pump myself up. I want to stick to it 100%. My friend is doing it with me so I will have support! Eeck! Monday can't get here quick enough!

It's About Time

2008-04-18T11:38:00.001-07:00

Yeehaw Ding Dang Ding-a-ling! They finally got my bloodwork in. Now, I am just waiting on them to call me back. They better call me back today or I might go postal. I'm tired of waiting, darnit. How long must this process take? Shoo.

Well, I'm on my way to have a "vaccination" visit with my son's doctor and my X. Grrr. I do not feel like getting in a debate as to whether or not vacciations are safe. I know they aren't. You can't tell me there is no link between shots and autism. The research has been done but since it's outside of the CDC, oh- that doesn't count.

No, Doctor- every child that has had an adverse reaction to a vaccination. I'm sorry, it's not a coincedence. You can keep telling yourself that though. None of you will ever believe it until it hits home, until one of your children becomes disabled. You are all robotic.

This isn't a free country. I will be forced to vaccinate my son due to the beliefs of my x-finace who does not believe in conspiracy theories. I never did until I researched. He has better things to do with his time than do deep research.

I have no choice but to vaccinate my child or I will go to court over it. He's already had a few shots but he hasn't had shots since before his first birthday which was about 9 months ago. It's funny how he stopped getting ear infections once I quit getting him vax'd. So, my only choice is to spread them out and pray to God that nothing happens.

Monkey livers, chicken embryo, aborted fetus, ajax- why are we putting this into our children again? Did I miss something? No adult in the right now would gorge on a fat load of monkey liver. My fried did a search on the CDC site for vax ingrediants and then looked at her 409 bottle. Yep, you guessed it, same stuff. Thanks Mr. Government, Thanks Mr. CDC.. I will just end this post with "karma"

Do You Want To See My Baby Bump?

2008-04-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

Yeah, okay...so I really don't have a baby bump- but it sure as heck looks like one. I keep waiting any day now for someone to ask me when I'm expecting. I totally believe what Trudeau says about American food and the toxins, chemicals, perservatives-blah blah blah. They totally keep me bloated and looking like I'm in my third trimester.

I took some before pictures but I didn't have anyone to take them so I had to do them in the mirror. Of course, I had clothes on. I need to redo it and maybe do it in the nude with some whipcream covering up my ta ta's. That would be comical. I was really disgusted by the photos and felt sorry for my camera.

I have been on Jenny Craig for a year now. When I was pregnant, I went from 150 to 200 lbs. Dizzam! I know, right? Large marge here! I think I immediately went down to 176. I stayed there for a while and thought I would be stuck there forever. With Jenny Craig, I ended up getting down to 153. So, at Christmas I weighed 153 and I'll be damned if now I don't weigh 176. Hello, that's only ten lbs away from what I weighed after my son.

I don't know what the problem is. I continue to do Jenny Craig but I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle. I am nonstop craving crap and giving in. I do believe that there are certain trigger chemicals in the food that make you yearn for it. It's like I can't stop. It's a full blown chemical addition and I'm ready to kick it this bad habit.

I feel rolls upon rolls. I feel like I am off in my own little 'fat' world by myself while the world continues to move. You know, I've always been a thick girl and I really think I handle my weight well BUT (The big butt) ...I just want to feel comfortable. I don't to be so so skinny. I don't even think I would look right at my normal weight, which I haven't seen in years. I just want to be able to wear clothes and feel good and not have to worry about sitting on a roll.

So, let me stop my rambling and introduce you to our newest addition: My Belly Bump (or as I call it "My Lovely Lady Lump) Well, crap for some reason it's not letting me upload pictures. I'll have to upload it later. Peacey Weacey!

Testing..Is Anyone Out There?

2008-04-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so after doing much googling and finding so many wonderful blogs about hCG, I decided to start my own. I was doing a good bit of writing about hCG on myspace. Here is my myspace: Fatty Diva, I can't tell you how READY I am to start this diet.

I took a bit researching different clinics and obviously there isn't a darn one in my area. I called one place and got excited only to find out that they dispense the oral hCG. I've read several links stating that there is no such thing as oral hCG. I was pooped. I think the double blind study that I read about did it for me. I was kinda stoked that I might could bypass the injections, but no go. Basically, the only and best way to administer hCG is through injection. CRAPPERS!

I stalked the Internet trying to find a reputable company and ended up going with Matrix Weight Loss in Clarksville, TN. They seemed to be friendly and acted like they knew what they were talking about. This is always a plus. So, this is what you can expect from Matrix:

1. Call to give them your information.
2. Pay $150 for them to send you blood work orders. (This pays for your blood work)
3. Wait for them to get your blood work. Did I mention you have to wait? lol
4. As soon as they get your blood work, they will call the doctor and have him look over your blood work and medical history. This takes about two hours for them to set up an appointment with him and to review all of your information.
5. As soon as this process is done, they will contact you to review and get another $300 and mail out the injections.
6. You will be supplied with vials, syringes & hCG (which you have to mix yourself).
7. For the first three weeks you will get a free supply of the B12 shot. This is basically a freebie. After your three weeks of the B12 shot, you will have to pay out of pocket.
8. They do not do loading days.
9. They say it's find to take shots while on your mensus.
10. I think you take three shots a week.

So, so far this is the schedule for my Matrix Weight Loss plan. I do plan on doing the loading days because I've read this is really important. You need to prepare your body and stock up for what's to come. I also do not plan on doing it during my period. Our bodies produce hCG while we are on our period. The reason that hCG works is because of the small amount. I am thinking that an increased amount of hCG might hault the process. That's just my two cents.